Okay, so I lied.

I am looking at that last post/meme and I am overwhelmed by an urge to not rehash bullshit. Go fig. So instead I will complain/boast/write about you how much I love my new jobs. And tell bore you about my upcoming projects.

I am finally (!) up on the SFist.com staff page and am getting into the groove of posting daily. I'm not going to school--which gives me plenty of time to write--but still only manage to post once a day. I am so picky about my writing and how everything is worded that it takes forever to put something up. I'm hoping that I'll get into the groove soon and that soon it'll take me much less time to get my shit together. The Valleywag job has been a challenge since (as my editor can probably attest to) I am not as technically savvy/knowledgeable of the tech superstars in Silicon Valley. I still love it, though, since it has been the most challenging writing job I've taken on. Not that the others aren't challenging, but.. yeah. I sometimes (mostly) feel like a fish out of water.

My new project is a website I'm going to try and do "professionally", meaning I'll hopefully update often and have less-personal information on it. Not that anyone actually reads this irregularly updated blog, but still. Who knows. The new site will be a humorous (at least to me, but hopefully others) travel blog. It'll have exotic locales featured with some photoshopped pics and "adventures" to read through. It's mostly an exercise in travel writing/desperate attempt to drum up some travel writing jobs, but hopefully I'll be able to have fun with it. It'll be certainly different in format than Gridskipper, but fun. I'm also exploring the new blogsite, Tumblr, which is probably on its way out in coolness points, but whatcanyoudo. I'll let everyone know when it launches.

As an aside, I've given up smoking as of today but it's been tough. I had the last two cigarettes of my pack today (stress-induced, incidentally) and afterwards began fiending for more.

Quitting is going to suck.

Old blogs revisited

I recently found the entry below on an old personal blog. Tomorrow, I'll re-write this out, everything updated. Thought it would be interesting to juxtapose. Wow, during some of these things, I was either overdramatic or had a chip on my shoulder. Probably both.


Saturday, April 24, 2004

Stolen. Again. I can't write normally anymore. My brain is soooo wasted. 15 years ago I: 1. used to wear my pink "Members Only" jacket, like, all the friggin' time. 2. lived a ten-minute walking distance from my elementary school. 3. had my first crush on a classmate in kindergarten. I still remember his name. 4. Met my first two friends. We played with Barbies and My Little Ponies. One introduced me to the joy that is the movie Spaceballs. 5. saw my first concert in Lake Tahoe. Donna Summer and the Pointer Sisters! 10 years ago I: 1. went to a year-round school. Not as bad as it sounds. 2. Became best friends with Jacklyn and Michelle. The Warners three, we were: Wakko, Yakko, and Dot. 3. began (continued?) my zine The Underground, albeit it wasn't named that at the time. And it was just a long computer print out of me making fun of stuff. 4. attended a hilarious birthday party in which we played Marco Polo in the garage and competitive Francis refused to make a sound, even when Melissa kept repeatedly kicking him, wondering if she was kicking a person or an object. 5. used to write letters to Michelle and talk to her for hours at a time during our month-long breaks, despite the fact that we live only a five-minute car ride away. No one would drive us. 5 years ago I: 1. had a horrible 16th birthday party. 2. was editor of my high school newspaper when I was junior. 3. hated all the boys in my school. Probably because I didn't know how to talk to them. 4. went to junior prom at my friends' high school and not my own. I was about to go stag, just for fun, but my mother begged me not to. I think that maybe she was right. 5. flunked out of calculus and took pre-calculus again, despite taking it over the summer. I began to realize I wasn't as smart as I thought. 3 years ago I: 1. thought I was going to get a tattoo as soon as I turned 18. I didn't. I haven't. 2. was in two cotillions. 3. got my license. 4. started college. 5. began my love affair with bonfires on beaches plus good friends. 1 year ago I: 1. was being mentally and emotionally mindfucked. Yet, enjoying it in a sadistic way. 2. was rebellious because I didn't think I could. Because I believed no one else thought I would. 3. thought forever was something I'd live to see. 4. wrote e-mails to Michelle in a throwback to our friendship ten years ago; instead, she was across the country and not five minutes away. 5. decided to be a film major. 4 months ago I: 1. was dating someone. Sorta. 2. was emotionally unstable. I was prone to bitching people out or bursting into tears at home. 3. played pool like a fiend. A fiend, I tell you! 4. had a great pre-Thanksgiving celebration. 5. discovered my love of beer. Yesterday I: 1. went to work. 2. watched film festival submissions for the PFA. 3. listened to some vinyl and watched some Michel Gondry videos. 4. tried to write some of my screenplay. TRIED. 5. Bounced around a lot to music while driving. "You've got to ... GET! ... THAT! ... DIRT OFF YOUR SHOULDER..!" Today I: 1. Will go to work. 2. Will dance a little. 3. probably relive my DJ'ing glory in my head when bored/think life will never be as glorious as those 7 minutes. 4. will hopefully read for my cinema class that I am behind in. 5. had a horrible breakfast consisting of Jasmine tea, two Ritz crackers, and a Peanut Butter Quaker granola bar. Tomorrow I: 1. Will go to the San Francisco International Film Festival and watch The Man Who Copied. 2. Hang at Fillmore. Yay-uh! 3. will try not to buy anything. And probably fail. 4. will thank God that I am finally done with my documentary. 5. look at my cell phone and wonder why you haven't called me yet.

the happenings.

In an effort to (somewhat regularly) update my blog, I suppose another update is due. Not everything has calmed down yet, but the inevitable march of time is forcing me to slowly tick off my "to do" lists. I just recently finished a computer graphics final (as of 20 minutes ago) and now only officially have two projects left to finish: a feature writing article and a photography project. Hopefully all will go well and that I'll finish my article tonight (or at least early morning on Thursday). I will most definitely probably absolutely need a drink tonight before plunging into the rest of my projects so maybe you'll see me on a bar stool near you. But only for a drink (or two). Then onto other projects.

It seems as if I shouldn't feel so hassled by having three classes at community college, but not only are these laborious classes, my side writing jobs are taking longer than expected to complete. Despite blogging being seemingly formless and "easy" to write, topics aren't always the easiest to come up with. I have been doing my Gridskipping, but have also recently added on SFist. While Gridskipper feels so national and large that I can hide behind its vastness, SFist is so intimate and well-read here in San Francisco that the comments feel more snarky, more sarcastic and I often find myself wrestling over what to include (or not). A recent example is a recap of the Yelp! party I wrote, in which there were some questionable captions placed beneath pictures of a scantily clad woman. Personally, I hate it when writers (bloggers?) personally address any comments left on the site, so I've saved the rebuttals for my personal blog. First off, those captions were courtesy of my editor. They were a bit meaner than I would've liked, but I didn't find them completely distasteful until the dreaded commentary. Nowhere did I (or my editor) state that the woman was a stripper. In fact, she is a burlesque dancer, meaning you see neither tit nor tat. The whole thing was completely blown out of proportion that my editor re-edited the post and changed the header picture to something more neutral.

Other than that, everything's been going great. I did a few posts on Gridskipper that I'm proud of, particularly Dating the Ex and Crappy Bar Crowds. I'm not so self-centered that I like to promote all the crap that I'm writing, but I have to say that I'm proud of these articles; it's been such a tough few weeks that I'm surprised that I actually got these articles going and readable. Not to mention, barely edited (hurrah!) -- meaning that the red pen of my editors was scantly used. Despite the stress, I managed to pull through in a clutch and it turned out pretty well. Awe. Some.

So what else does one do when they're stressed? Work hard, yes. Play harder, hell yes. For those privy to my Facebook/MySpace--yes, I am a member of those atrocities, I weep for myself and others--I'm sure you have seen my brand spanking (if you know what I mean) profile pic courtesy of the Yelp holiday party. Last Friday was another holiday party that I attended and was rocked due to the awesomeness of J.Ma and Lor. Let's just say alcohol was present, lap dances were had (but not given by me), and iPod fondling happened. I also met the awesomest cab driver ever, who knew every address in the city, I shit you not. Once I found out this amazing ability, in my drunkenness I decided to test him on addresses. I give him an address, he gives me the cross street. After giving him two addresses I knew by heart (apartment address, old work address) and he gave me the correct cross streets, I yelled out:

Fuck you! You are the awesomest cab driver ever!!

Le sigh. If only I had taken down his name. I will forever remember him, though.

Rock on, Address-Knowing Cab Driver Guy. Rock on.

Breaking Old Habits, Starting New Ones

Have you ever felt your life spinning out of control, but when trying to figure out why you can't really pinpoint it? The stress really just becoming an amalgamation of deadlines, problems and annoyances that have no start or finish? The usual routine of separating out and troubleshooting every problem becoming near impossible?

That's how it's been lately. It's this feeling that suffering doesn't have to be this total, but I'm making it worse. I had a little retail therapy followed by cleaning therapy, which has helped somewhat. Cleaning in your new black hoodie can do wonders. But now I'm looking for another vent and Blogger was sitting here, and now I'm writing. Give me some time and stress and procrastination will provide a new post.

I've been reaching boiling point and I know the bf feels the same way this week too. Last week was my D-day and I turned in my Berkeley applications for graduate school. Although I thought I was moving towards the deadline at a good pace, writing my essays and preparing letters of recommendation, I still found myself staying up until 4 AM in the morning writing every day the week prior to the due date. Everything I wrote seemed corny, but how else is one supposed to seriously answer questions about what life experiences qualify you for Berkeley? In 700 words or less, how can you sell yourself into being the most viable candidate? Anything short of writing out my essay in blood seemed in order. But I "survived" and now I am looking forward to (ha!) preparing my other applications for the other schools.

So, like a dumb shit, I thought that the weekend after my application was due would be the perfect time to schedule in something fun: scuba diving lessons. Uhh, I don't think so. Imagine a 9 AM - 6 PM class consisting of 3 hours in a classroom and five hours in a pool wearing 6 mm thick wet suits with breathing equipment, ginormous tanks of air and a completely different vocab revolving around breathing underwater? The classroom lessons scaring you enough to have thoughts of "decompression sickness" or "the bends" running through your head as you ascend from the surface to the bottom of the pool we were learning from. Don't descend too fast, don't ascend fast either. Equalize your ears. Keep track of your air. Learn new hand signals. What's the hand signal for being out of air? Hands crossed over your chest, fake wrapped around your throat as you pretend to gag and kick about? No? You want me to "rescue" my 6 foot boyfriend and pull both of us across the pool? Sure. You want to follow that up with a full week of writing deadlines and class deadlines with no room to rest? Why not?

So, beyond the stuff that's going on, what's the old habit I broke? My cell phone. Yes, ladies and gentleman I have broken my cell phone and therefore sent myself on a one-way wagon to Amishville. It's so weird to not have a phone that I swear I'm hearing phantom phone rings while driving my car or when alone in my apartment. My left pants pocket still feels like I have a cell phone sitting in it. I am in fucking withdrawal, people. So much so that I have squirreled away most of my day on the internet checking my Facebook and Gridskipper like a fiend. It's the cell phone oversensitivity that is really making me question the necessity of having a phone in the first place. I'm actually considering getting only a Firefly phone [google it, I'm too lazy to put in a link] for emergency use and nothing else. I have an apartment phone, that should be enough yeah? Le sigh.

As for the new habit? I've re-started smoking. I had occasional cigarettes before, but now I have a complete pack that I am just blowing straight through. When I'm walking, I have a cigarette. Stressed, I have a cigarette. If I need a break, I have a cigarette. Stepping outside for some gum just isn't the same. Augh. I need some healthier habits.

Wow. I sooo don't update this anymore.

I should. But I can't. I'm hella hella busy.


Hella.


Give me a month to get things back to normal. Hopefully.

Halo 3: saying goodbye to my brain cells

Halo 3 is out. I can feel my brain cells leaving my brain as we speak.

Now, people may think I'm talking about how video games are a waste of time, blah blah blah. No. I'm talking about how I just may be that small percentage of players that video game boxes warn everyone about.

What am I talking about? I've been playing Halo for about an hour and I'm nauseous. Apparently, video games have been known to cause seizures in a "small percentage" of players. Since the bf is not at home right now (which is why I actually was able to get my hands on the 360 tonight), I didn't think it'd be a great idea to come home to me on the ground with controller in hand, having a seizure and foaming at the mouth. So, as loathe as I was to turn off the game -- I was in the middle of a frustrating campaign, maybe it was a good idea to step away -- I walked away and have hopped onto my computer with a weird headache, my eyes feeling sore and a nauseous stomach.

I can't shake off this weird feeling and while staring at a computer screen probably isn't helping, I'm wondering if maybe I'm just not built for video games or if it's my shitty tv that's to blame for this headache of mine. Since I'm a nerd and must google everything, I came across this article on "[helping avoid] rare cases of seizures triggered by flickering lights from TV and video games."

Included in the article are tips on making video game playing more comfortable and reduce stress on the player. While most were valid ("sit at least 2 feet away from the screen" or "reduce the screen's brightness"), I was a little amused at this suggestion:

Cover one eye while playing and regularly change which eye is covered.

Hrm. Are they trying to suggest I wear an eyepatch while playing? Like this guy?



Or, am I supposed to play with a perpetual wink, switching eyes when tired?

Augh. Whatever. I'm sooo going back to play once Reaper is over. And then when I'm finished playing, I'm going to lay down and rest right after.

Besides, it's sexy to watch girls play video games with one eye closed. Right?

Rawr.

New Post

I was going to write up a new post, but I'm tired. It's all of 11:35 p.m. and I am contemplating going to the safety of my bed.* I shall try and write up something tomorrow. I'm trying to give myself a two-post per week deadline.

In other news, the side writing gig is giving me a raise in November. Suh-weeeeet!

Happenings: Sondre + Air show on Wednesday. Exciting..








*I miss my social life.